He knows he’s just angry at himself and he knows that the moon is making him say things he doesn’t mean. He also knows that his mother’s death has hit him harder than he dares admit. The fact is he’s afraid to tell them anything anymore…
James and Lily are so happy, and Sirius is so happy to be godfather, what place does he have in this new family? What can he do but drive them away? Safer. So much safer to be alone, wasn’t it?
“I think Sirius would disagree with that statement.” Remus said a little bitterly and he closes his eyes, this was horrible, these feelings he wanted to just go away, the wolf clawing at his insides.
“You don’t have to lie to me James, I know you feel indebted to help me…I’m not stupid.”
“What- Why would he disagree? We are best friends. There’s no Padfoot or Prongs or Wormtail without you, Moony.”
He replied quickly, hoping Remus would understand how important he really was. They needed him as much as needed each other. The boy only shook his head again as he replied, doing his best to not step forward and shake him from the shoulders.
”I’m don’t feel ‘indebted’ Remus, what? I have no idea what or- who made you think that but it’s w r o n g. You are and always will be my best friend. I’ve known you for what—- eight years now. And you seriously think that after all this time I’d stick by your side because I feel indebted??”
”You are stupid if you honestly think that Remus.”
James knew he shouldn’t have called him an idiot but he just couldn’t hold himself. In reality, all he wanted was to hug slap his friend until he understood.
“Sounds like a fantastic plan, I’ve not had a butterbeer for a long while.”
Pumpkin juice was nice, but it wasn’t as good as a fresh pint of Butterbeer straight from the tap.
Then he remembered, and he grimaced.
"I err, could you please front my money for the drink ‘cause my purse is stuck at the bottom of my trunk.”
Which was unfortunately empty, his parents gave him little money, as they had so little, and he didn’t want to be a burden and ask for pocket money in the year when it wasn’t really necessary.
”Of course, Moony. Don’t even mention it.“
James replied easily with one of his trademark smiles, knowing or well- guessing about his friend’s condition. He decided to change the subject as patted Remus’ knee and stood up.
"Come on, then! Let’s find the others. I hope Sirius hasn’t got a date or something.”
He knew exactly what James meant, and that dread filled his lungs as the mention of the dark lord often did. But he knew only one answer would come out of his lips at that, the serious tone in which James had given him meant one thing. The boy in glasses was terrified, and Remus wasn’t going to let him go into that fear alone.
“–I hope there’s still a spot on the battlefield for a werewolf with elbow patches?”
James couldn’t help but smile a little at his friend’s response. He was glad that he was going to fight with his friend on his side. However, it was war, and that meant everything could change in the blink of an eye. The brunet knew that it wouldn’t stop Remus but he felt like he needed to ask.
”Of course, Moony. But are you sure that you want to-?“
James froze at his friend’s words and stared at him, his eyes wide. It muse be a joke, he thought. After all that happened, how could Remus think that?
”What- That’s not true Remus. You know that. I’d die for you in an instant… You are my best friend, Moony.”
“You’ve got to be right sometime, I guess Prongs.”
Remus gave a small smile glad it wasn’t a prank, they’d had a few too many of those recently, and he was starting to remember what it was like not having a detention filled evening.
”"Well, as I’m not going furry for a week or so what exactly did you have in mind, sneaking to Hogsmeade, or just the kitchens?”
As long as it involved butterbeer and his friends he didn’t much mind as long as he was up in the morning for his classes. He missed enough of those during moon time already.
Kitchens were always a good idea but he just wanted to get out this time. They could go to the Three Broomsticks and drink their Butterbeers in peace as they talked about nonsense for hours. It sounded like the perfect night out.
"Uh- I was thinking about Hogsmeade. I feel like we need a break from all of this schoolwork.“
“I’m just ready to collapse, remind me again why I took Ancient Runes? The subject is giving me a headache before i enter the room.”
He sits up laughing gently, “But no, no plans as such…”
A twinkle in his eye as he finally sits up to be eye level to his friend. “ Why? Have you got anything in mind?”
”Told ya.“
He laughed, leaning back on the couch.
"Yep. It’s not a prank though. I don’t know why but I’m running short of those. Anyway, I was thinking about a night out. It’s been a while since we did that.”
